. Wait a minute, yesterday morning before going to the clinic you told me you were not John, if you are not him, who are you?"That was a question that once, not so long ago, in my dreams I had wished her to make me, now I wasn't so sure, "Doesn't matter anymore, just keep you healthy for your baby and don't forget in a month you have the good doctor waiting for you, now if you don't mind..." But I mind, won't you at least let me explain the last days, what was on my mind, what was in my soul? Why I seemed an autistic. It wasn't that I don't want a child it is I'm afraid, I have a son around your age and my childbirth labor was very long and complicated before his birth." She paused, thinking, I assume, trying to explain herself so she could get to me, to my obtuse mind closed to anything that was not my anguish and sorrow."Don't you see it's not I don't love you, it was a surprise knowing I'm pregnant at my age and fear made me act that way; I had always wanted more children but my. I knew I wasn't ready. She didn't care. She couldn't get enough collar time. She craved it after having done without for so long. She was like a kid with a sweet tooth locked in a candy store at night with no one else there. She was an addict and it changed her. It scared the shit out of me.I knew she thought she was trying to help me by being the perfect submissive, but unfortunately, I wasn't even close to being the perfect Master. It wasn't a 'fit' that would work. I needed the love of my life to be the love of my life. I was willing to make changes, drastic ones to keep her, but I would not risk losing her.I was caught on the horns of a dilemma, with both of my choices having a high probability of losing the type of relationship with Sally that I needed. It angered me that Sally now seemed to 'go sub' with anyone to get her 'fix', even another woman, in this case, Bala, the sub and wife of my friend. I didn't know or recognize at that time that women — and men — could be either.
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